i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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