That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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