Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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