You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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