Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize