Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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