i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
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Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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