I puked a lego.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize