I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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