She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
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The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
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What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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