He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
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so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
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Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize