I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
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Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
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PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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