3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
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in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
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Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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