Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize