grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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