I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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