your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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