Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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