Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize