P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
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I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
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there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize