I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize