Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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