You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
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while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
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That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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