i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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