I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize