can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize