If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
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