Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
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I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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