My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize