Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
jump out the window naked night went bad
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize