nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
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The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
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"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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