just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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