Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
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Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
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Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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