U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
