And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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