Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize