Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
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I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
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It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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