i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
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We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
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Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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