Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
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Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
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I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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