What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
They are going to name an STD after you.
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