so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
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He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
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Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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