I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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