my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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