it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize