A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize