you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize