Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
im drinking this country out of the recession.
from now on my penis is your penis
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
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