Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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