I didn't shave. On purpose
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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