meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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