hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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