Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
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I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
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Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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